I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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