you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
And then he peed in my hair
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
