I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
