hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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