Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
