Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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