He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
