i think i have herpe
just one?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
