Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
