I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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