Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
