I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
