Yo dont text me then not text me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
