I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
