So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
