Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
