I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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