Can i not drive my cunt home
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
