You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
