Your mouth is God's brothel.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
