Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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