4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
