he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
