At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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