I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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