tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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