Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
