I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
