You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
