TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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