More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
