Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
