Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
