Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
