these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
