I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
