a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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