He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
this hospital has no fireball
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
