so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
