Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drake has all the answers
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
