next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
