i was born a porn star she said
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
