Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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