I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
