I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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