he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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