my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i've created a new STD.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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