Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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