We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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