The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
