I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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