Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
