This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
