Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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