You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
