So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
