Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
