The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
