I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
