Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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