Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Your tits are I can't wait for
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
