the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
