You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
