The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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