cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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