Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
