So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
