I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
