like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
