Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
