Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
